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Mr. X w4m Men. You. Insanity.
I didn't deserve a text message ending to whatever it was that we had. Especially from a 46 year old man. I tried to end this a month before you did and felt bad by your reaction so I didn't do it. But atleast I did it face to face! What did I do that was so terrible that you had to send me a break-up thru text message? I can only assume that you found another plaything that doesn't talk about life with you. Well, you should never have brought up your personal bullshit with me, then. I was only there for sex therapy, not your mental wellness. But you roped me into it.
My un-answered questions that I need to write out, if I cannot speak them to you are this; Why would you say the things you did to me if you didn't love me at all? I can only assume that you are some sort of basket-case who cannot fully enjoy sex without the woman being crazy in love with you. And then when you're done, you expect them to just fall off the face of the earth. Then I guess you picked a good one in me, if that's the case, because I refuse to stalk you and let you know how deeply in love with you I was. Still am. I cry every now and then over you. You were my only escape in the bullshit I am dealing with. As I was for you. I cannot live miserably without something to make me smile every now and again. I thought that's what we were for each other; an escape. Something to feel better in our lives. That's what you told me.
Yes, I was crazy for you. I loved you so much and became very concerned over you. But I knew I could never keep you. And I prepared myself to understand that this would eventually end. I just didn't expect it to go so soon. Especially with all that has just happened. I knew that I wouldn't last in a long term relationship anyways with a man like you. You are too miserable and too much like myself. I like having male friends, which would have always bothered you, I'm sure. And though you were my friend, well, I never believed that friends could have sex. Especially the way we did. Friends don't fuck. Now marrying your best friend? That's the best way to go. But again....... I could never have done that with you. I'd end up hating you.
My ending advice: Cut the bullshit out of your life. Things aren't easier this way, it's more difficult. You gloat inside about your power yet you refuse to really use it. You do have alot more control and patience than you realize. You just refuse to practice it. Quit shopping around for girls with a low self-esteem. You don't need that. You could find a completely worthy woman to spend the rest of your life with. And marriage doesn't always have to be the answer. Your being catholic is such a lame excuse..... Shit, X. You committed adultry. Amongst other things. Maybe that's why you ended this with me? I'm too smart for your bullshit? Go ahead and use our spots for your endeavors, there's nothing sacred about them.
And this is why I never took money from you. Because in the end, I would have felt like a cheap whore. I'm not. I am beautiful, sexy, intelligent, an amazing mother, hard working, and I love deeply and completely. You never had to tell me these things, I already knew it. I don't need male validation. I needed to just be loved back. And, well, you did, in your own, strange way. Thank you for that. Even your stalker-like ways of texting my best-friend to check up on me. Maybe that was just some fucked-up way of trying to get into her head somehow too but whatever. I was blissfully unaware of any other motives you may have had. I felt secure, someone stable and kind was watching out for me. I'm only sad now because I know that I am alone and I don't take charge well.
Look for everlasting happiness, Mr. X. You will never be inducted into the sainthood for living miserably. ;-)
Thank you for showing me what I should have.
S.
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